It is December 17, 2012. Just 4 days after the Sandy Hook tragic school shooting. I cannot get the visions of the children and adults killed out of my head. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about what these families must be going through. And I also cannot stop thinking of the "what ifs" in my own life. As I kissed the kids goodbye this morning getting out of the car, what if this is my last time seeing their precious face? What if this is the last time I will hear Kate say one of her adorable lines that put a smile on all of our faces? What if they don't get to open their Christmas presents? I know that we cannot live our lives this way but it has been hard not to these past couple days. And we are the lucky ones. This horrible thing did not happen in our town or school and I pray that it never does.
I look at the picture of the boy that did this horrific, unthinkable crime and I can tell right away that he is not emotionally connected or available. He appears to be a shell and I wonder how can we help these people and keep them from doing harm to others? It has been a few years since I called on mental health facilities with Pfizer but even then physicians and mental health workers were concerned that unstable people were free to roam society. Long gone were mental health institutions that could provide a safe place for people with mental illness. Funding was dwindling for programs to help. And then I start to also think about the rise of bullying among our kids and more kids being diagnosed with diseases that may or may not have violent tendencies. Will we see more of this in years to come? I pray not. Grace has asked thought questions like "were they shot in the heart?" and it is a fine line of wanting to tell them the truth but not telling too much. I have answered their questions but when she asked that I told her that I didn't know and there was some stuff she was better off not knowing. She agreed without hesitation. I also want them to enjoy these last few days before Christmas. One of our favorite times of the year as a family.
We have made christmas mix, done breakfast with Santa, went to the Dublin tree lighting, been to the zoo lights with Nana and cousins, uncle Scott and aunt Jenny. We will be heading to Michigan this weekend for several christmas gatherings and fun times with cousins. Kate is scared to death of Santa. She says he has "girl hair" and has had a death grip on me anytime we come within 30 feet of him. She does however like Mrs. Claus. She said she doesn't want any toys because then he has to come to the house. I am praying for an uneventful, happy, laughter filled Christmas.
