My dad is fixated on selling his house and moving right now. I called one sales manager today at Muirfield Ridge to alert her to his mental state and asked her to please not move forward with him signing any documents for a home purchase. My dad called this evening and said he had spoken with an old friend, John Morris, and John was supportive of him moving. I told my dad that we needed to be cogniscent of the fact that he has dementia and may need additional help at some point so buying a new home may not be ideal. I also briefly mentioned the driving thing and he got very irritated. I told him that it would be good for us to sit down and do a Ben Franklin list about moving just like he had us do as kids and young adults. He softened a little and said that was a good idea.
In regards to the driving, I am emailing his primary care doctor, Joan King, the driving report this evening. We have an appointment with her tomorrow and I am going to ask for her support on telling him not to drive.
Monday, August 6, 2018
I Wish You Well
August 5, 2008
I woke up to a text from Scott. The text included an attachment of a note my dad had written to Scott. The note said "Remember this is the last night for the boys at my house! I wish you well. Dad". Scott was extremely upset by this thinking he and the boys are not welcome at my parent's house. Due to Scott separating from Jenny, Scott has been living at my parents house. This has presented some confusion for my dad evidently. Scott played in the club championship in the morning and my dad went to follow his round which adding insult to injury for Scott. He didn't understand how my dad could leave such a cruel note just several hours before and then have enough love and care to want to watch him play golf. I ended up going to talk to my dad later that day. He asked me if I knew about the note. I responded yes and asked him to help me understand what he was thinking. He tried to explain his thoughts but kept going back to Scott not keeping his commitment to my dad and kept mentioning Mike Kleeman. He said this all started when Kleeman was visiting. After him mentioning this a couple times and then adding to it by saying that he never went upstairs when Kleeman was here to see what was happening "up there". It hit me like a lead balloon, he thought Scott was gay. I asked him outright and he took a deep breath, laid his hands on the counter and leaned over and very seriously answered "Yes, I think he may be gay". I had to fight back my laughter as I knew this to be untrue. I calmly tried to explain to him that Scott is not gay and the only reason Mike had stayed at the house was because he came in town to play in the charity golf outing that was in memory of my mom. He seemed somewhat relieved but not convinced. My dad then asked me what he should do with the situation. I responded that when I'm not sure what to do I ask myself, "what would mom do?". I then went on to say that she would tell Scott that she loved him and he could stay at the house as long as he needed. My dad shook his head and said, "you're right". I gave him a hug and told him I loved him. He then left to go find his phone at the country club and buy Matthew a birthday card before the birthday party.
My dad showed up at my house about a half hour later with two birthday cards for his grandson Matthew. He asked my opinion as to which one was better. The first one said "Happy Birthday Brother" and the second one was also addressed to a brother. I told him I had many extra cards he could look at that may be a better fit. When one of my kids pointed out that it said "Brother" he was embarrassed and felt bad. He picked out a card from my stash and signed it. However, when he asked me how it looked I noticed he signed it "Love, Uncle David". We got a second card that he signed again, but the same way "Love, Uncle David". I just crossed it out and wrote "Papa".
The driving issue has become more of an issue the last couple weeks as well. Immediately following the driving test, my dad was great about using GoGoGrandparent to get to places that were outside the parameters we had discussed with him. Then as weeks passed, he started going out for drives and venturing farther away. He still wasn't getting lost but it was not part of the plan we agreed upon. He also became defiant about sticking to the plan so we determined we needed to remove the car from his environment. My dad had backed into a friend's mailbox and put a good dent in the rear hatch. We took the car to get it into the body shop this week to start repairs. We do not have a plan in place for telling him it may not be coming back.
It was an exhausting, emotional day. As much as we know and can tell ourselves that the disease is leading his words and actions, the sting is still ever present. I almost think it may be easier when we are out of this stage and his memory is much worse. Maybe then there will not be defiance, distrust and paranoia with us. I am thankful my mom is in a better place and does not have to endure these incredibly difficult days.
I woke up to a text from Scott. The text included an attachment of a note my dad had written to Scott. The note said "Remember this is the last night for the boys at my house! I wish you well. Dad". Scott was extremely upset by this thinking he and the boys are not welcome at my parent's house. Due to Scott separating from Jenny, Scott has been living at my parents house. This has presented some confusion for my dad evidently. Scott played in the club championship in the morning and my dad went to follow his round which adding insult to injury for Scott. He didn't understand how my dad could leave such a cruel note just several hours before and then have enough love and care to want to watch him play golf. I ended up going to talk to my dad later that day. He asked me if I knew about the note. I responded yes and asked him to help me understand what he was thinking. He tried to explain his thoughts but kept going back to Scott not keeping his commitment to my dad and kept mentioning Mike Kleeman. He said this all started when Kleeman was visiting. After him mentioning this a couple times and then adding to it by saying that he never went upstairs when Kleeman was here to see what was happening "up there". It hit me like a lead balloon, he thought Scott was gay. I asked him outright and he took a deep breath, laid his hands on the counter and leaned over and very seriously answered "Yes, I think he may be gay". I had to fight back my laughter as I knew this to be untrue. I calmly tried to explain to him that Scott is not gay and the only reason Mike had stayed at the house was because he came in town to play in the charity golf outing that was in memory of my mom. He seemed somewhat relieved but not convinced. My dad then asked me what he should do with the situation. I responded that when I'm not sure what to do I ask myself, "what would mom do?". I then went on to say that she would tell Scott that she loved him and he could stay at the house as long as he needed. My dad shook his head and said, "you're right". I gave him a hug and told him I loved him. He then left to go find his phone at the country club and buy Matthew a birthday card before the birthday party.
My dad showed up at my house about a half hour later with two birthday cards for his grandson Matthew. He asked my opinion as to which one was better. The first one said "Happy Birthday Brother" and the second one was also addressed to a brother. I told him I had many extra cards he could look at that may be a better fit. When one of my kids pointed out that it said "Brother" he was embarrassed and felt bad. He picked out a card from my stash and signed it. However, when he asked me how it looked I noticed he signed it "Love, Uncle David". We got a second card that he signed again, but the same way "Love, Uncle David". I just crossed it out and wrote "Papa".
The driving issue has become more of an issue the last couple weeks as well. Immediately following the driving test, my dad was great about using GoGoGrandparent to get to places that were outside the parameters we had discussed with him. Then as weeks passed, he started going out for drives and venturing farther away. He still wasn't getting lost but it was not part of the plan we agreed upon. He also became defiant about sticking to the plan so we determined we needed to remove the car from his environment. My dad had backed into a friend's mailbox and put a good dent in the rear hatch. We took the car to get it into the body shop this week to start repairs. We do not have a plan in place for telling him it may not be coming back.
It was an exhausting, emotional day. As much as we know and can tell ourselves that the disease is leading his words and actions, the sting is still ever present. I almost think it may be easier when we are out of this stage and his memory is much worse. Maybe then there will not be defiance, distrust and paranoia with us. I am thankful my mom is in a better place and does not have to endure these incredibly difficult days.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)